Little Miss Anonymous sits in front of her computer screen, behind a wall of anonymity that she feels gives her complete leeway to cast aspersions, speculate, disperse hate, and even at times defame people she has never met. Her fingers walk across the keyboard as her malignant words spread across the screen. Her bile-filled enmity fills the space she's writing in, like so many black flies cover a fresh dog turd.
Little Miss Anonymous frequents blogs and websites specifically aimed at bullying and maligning bloggers. She leaves her stench in places like private message boards devoted to the sole purpose of "taking down" bloggers. She scuttles across the putrid wasteland of private snark-groups on Facebook where she and her cronies spend the majority of their time gossiping cruelly about people they've never met.
There is an invisible wall that Little Miss Anonymous sits behind, behind which she feels protects her against the recriminations from those she's impugned.
To some degree, we all sit behind this wall, safe from the glares, stares, shaking heads, and rolling eyes of those who read what we write, as we spill our souls onto these places that we call blogs. This wall also makes it safe for those who we've touched via our words, to reach back out to us and say, "Yes, I've done this, too," or "Yes, I've felt this, so many times," and even "You are not alone", without feeling ashamed to admit that they have also, at one time or another, sat where we are sitting, or have "been there, done that!"
All of our blogs make up a patchwork quilt of sorts, a quilt that shares the stories of our lives, and in doing so, weaves together a colorful mosaic of similar experiences, camaraderie, and relate-ability. Those of us who publish our lives, our stories, and our journeys online feel we can do so with some semblance of inviolability that perhaps saying these words out loud and in our offline communities would never afford us. Some of us contribute to this patchwork quilt anonymously while others chose to use their names. Whether we are anonymous or not, for the most part, we all stand behind our words.
This space, our blogs, the homes we've carefully constructed on the internet where we spill the contents of our hearts, is mostly a secure environment for us, until it's not, or until that safety is threatened by individuals like Little Miss Anonymous who have no filter on their oral orifice and make assumptions about our lives, based on what they've read (and more to the point, what they imagine they read between the lines), as if those assumptions were fact. They take the photos we share with our community and audiences and then use those as some sort of weapon in order to convict us of things that don't exist in reality. They snark not only on our looks, but those that are most precious to us . . . our children. They see a photograph of a much-beloved basset hound and assume because he enjoys basking outdoors on a cattle ranch, that he must be abused. So they create blogs and forums to malign the basset hound's owners (I wish the basset hound was the only example of how heinous this particular blogger is treated in certain circles, alas, sadly it's not.), and when that isn't enough, they threaten to call PETA and then try and report the basset hound's owners to the local basset hound rescue to see if they'll intervene and try and re-home the dog.
Little Miss Anonymous has equally anonymous friends, and combined, their venomous tentacles reach into almost every aspect of the blogosphere, from the mommy bloggers, to the fashion bloggers, the healthy living bloggers, and the pop culture bloggers to name just a few. They publicly excoriate those of us who publish online for things as small as taking our complaints about a product or service to Twitter or Facebook in the hopes of getting some sort of resolution, or beating us over the head with our own words when we admit we need some time away from our blogs and decide to focus on something else for a few days.
It's more than people engaging in critical thinking while they disagree with a writer's point of view or thoughts. It's far more than snarking on someone for thier take on popular or blogosphere culture. Oh no, there's so much more to what goes on behind this "wall."
Not satisfied with merely hating certain bloggers, there are certain phrases or words that are commonly used by, Little Miss Anonymous , that transcend simply disagreeing with with a writer that she and her anonymites (I couldn't think of another word) use when talking about bloggers and those who publish their stories online:
Drama Whore
Attention Whore
Comment Whore
Pity Slut
Narcissist
Malignant Narcissist (this one goes a lot further especially when Little Miss Anonymous pulls out her copy of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and they begin to diagnose us with a host of various mental maladies, but the most common among women who publish online being "Narcissistic Personality Disorder." Playing armchair internet psychiatrist is a favorite past-time of anonymites everywhere!)
Self Absorbed/Self Interested/Self Obsessed
Those are just a few of the labels I've seen given to those of us who publish online . . . especially those of us like myself who tend to share things that are of a more sensitive nature.
Of course, we have names of our own for people like Little Miss Anonymous. Mostly we just call her a troll, although more and more frequently I'm seeing the term "hater" used to describe these people. Sometimes there are more colorful words used to characterize these individuals, but I'm certain you can imagine for yourself what those might be.
Lately Little Miss Anonymous has spawned a new breed of her hate. It's been birthed in the form of a woman who creates a site that bullies the bullies, or bullies those she outright disagrees with. She allows those who comment in her space to do the same. Stating an opinion based on what you read on someone's blog is one thing, but making false claims, as if based in fact, about someone's income, their motive for writing what they do, or how they're raising their children, takes things to an entirely new level of malevolence, especially when you state yourself, or allow your commentors to make veiled threats about calling CPS (Child Protective Services) in response to what a blogger has written about something her child has gone through.
Wait, what's that you say, this couldn't possibly happen? My dear dear darlings, of course it has, and I wish this were the first time something like this has happened out in the blogosphere but sadly, it's not. Google it. There have in fact been parents who have been assailed by CPS after a rabid blog-reader made it her mission to phone them after something that was written got her panties in a bunch. Of course, if you clearly see someone state they're going harm their child, or do something that will put that child in harm's way, then for God's sake, phone CPS. However, when you see parent who is at their absolute wits end with an unresponsive school, school district, the police, and CPS itself, who takes to her blog to write about what happened, and because you disagree with the manner in which she shared what happened, what gives you the right to state that this is an instance where this mother should be reported to CPS?
What gives you the right to slap unfair and patently untrue labels on this woman for asking people to help her spread the word about what happened to her daughter in order to try and bring awareness to what was going on in their school district?
Did you skip over the part where she's practically begging for help, for someone, anyone to listen and tell her what to do to make everything right for her little girl? Oh that's right, you skipped over that because there's some part of your hateful, malignant soul that spurs you to see what doesn't exist and in doing so, you assail the character of a woman who only wanted to fight for her daughter, and in doing so, thought that by writing about it, she was doing the correct thing. You took bits and pieces of her words, both past and present, used them completely out of context, and patched together a story that suited your own desire to make someone else look as bad as you feel about yourself!
This particular mother has since removed those posts about what her daughter went through while at school. However, she did not take the posts down because of women like Little Miss Anonymous. Not because a legal representative from the school district or it's agents asked her to. Not because she defamed anyone she wrote about. She pulled the posts down because she felt it would be prudent to wait until they could be reviewed by those who are better able to guide her through this ordeal, and help her daughter.
Of course, by now you know that the most recent example I'm writing about is me. The comment about reporting me to CPS was made on a website (several people who read it were outraged and sent me links as well as screen captures of not only the comment, but several others like it) that purports to call out the cyber-bullies, yet the administrator of the site and those who comment there, do nothing else other than spend their time bullying other bloggers. Oh yeah, makes total sense to me! Only? Not so much. But then, outside of projecting their own inner hate outwardly on women who publish their life-stories online, I suppose nothing they do makes sense.
Some claim that by going public with what happened to Gaby, I told a story that wasn't mine to tell. I beg to differ. I am not only her mother, but I am also her advocate. I told her story, in part, to fight for her and make as many people as I could, aware of what was terribly wrong in our school district. I owe my daughter that much. The taxpayers in our community are owed that much. It's one thing to disagree with my reasoning behind writing so candidly about what happened. It's entirely another to then extrapolate your hatred of what I did, to the degree that you have and defame me in the process.
A psychology professor at Rider University, John Suler, published an online book called "The Psychology of Cyberspace" where he wrote extensively about, well, just that, the psychology of cyber-space. Suler believes that cyber-space for some, can be a "psychological extension" of their internal personalities.
When writing about " The Online Disinhibition Effect" Suler says, "Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions..."
And there you have it! People Like Little Miss Anonymous and her anonymites feel that their anonymity allows them to escape the responsibility for their hostile actions.
Suler also writes that "It's also possible that some people choose online environments and communication tools that help them stretch beyond their usual style, that enable them to expand and enrich the ways they think, feel, and express themselves." Which I believe is apropos for a lot of us who share so much of ourselves, online. Simply put, we feel at comfort doing so. That is, until Little Miss Anonymous and her army of miscreants decide to lob volleys of rotten offal over the walls we have carefully constructed in our online communities.
Little Miss Anonymous exists solely to spend her time vomiting up her own disgusting internal issues and projecting those onto women she sees as more successful, popular, more intelligent, have more business acumen, or those she just doesn't like.
Who is Little Miss Anonymous? Little Miss Anonymous can be anyone.
Little Miss Anonymous is who she is, in part, because she believes that the web-wired wall she sits behind allows her the right to say whatever she wants, no matter how hateful, spurious, or negative it is, even if it's an outright lie based on her own misguided speculation. She feels that because she's anonymous, no one is going to reach through the screen and punch her in the face, or call her on her lies and outright defamation. Little Miss Anonymous sees herself as untouchable. But here's the thing, you're not so untouchable, and it's becoming easier and easier to identify the trolls among us. Your inward ugliness is really starting to bleed through to your outsides.
There are women who publish their criticism of those of us who write online, with a great deal of integrity. They use their own names and stand behind what they write. They criticize without castigating, disagree without demeaning, and most of all, back up their words with facts rather than unsubstantiated gossip. They have no reason to hide behind an anonymous moniker, or snark blog, or an altogether fabricated identity. The candor of those writers begs the question of the women just like Little Miss Anonymous . . . if what you're doing is alright, then why the need to be anonymous?
Freedom of speech is one thing, but when you try and use that to cover up what is outright libel or slander, then you've crossed a line and should be held accountable for it!
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I've spent a great deal of time being absolutely sick over the things that have been said about me in light of writing about what we've gone through. I've cried what feels like an ocean of tears, and then become hysterical after reading that people were saying we needed to be reported to CPS because they felt I was violating Gaby's privacy and that violation warranted CPS investigating us.
I've also been told that I should just get used to it, being a public figure. What the hell? Since when should I just bend over and take it because someone thinks I'm a public figure? You say, "Suck it up Buttercup, you asked for it," hoping it condones your atrocious actions? Someone needs to explain to me how being a public figure somehow makes libel and slander OK?
Don't like me? Whatever. Can't stand how I write or what I write? Fine by me, but that begs the question, if you find my words so awful, or what I write so horrible, why do you read it in the first place? Is your life so hollow that you'd have nothing left it if weren't for trolling my blog and the blogs of others and then spewing your hate? Is that what defines your life? Are slander and libel the things that bring meaning to your life? You think this sort of thing is OK? How do you justify the incredible lack of moral fiber you exhibit by tearing others down?
The fact that you don't like me doesn't mean that I will stop writing about my life, my struggles, my wins and losses, my children, or the things that matter to me. I will continue to write about my struggle to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle regardless of who reads or does not read...or if no one reads my blog! I've already let the fear of being made fun of, having the way which I post what I'm eating, or how I go about advocating for the fair treatment of the obese, unfairly judged. I'm not going to let that fear control me any more because the only people it serves are those who get off on seeing it bother me.
I'm not going to let the people that don't know me, get in the way of me doing what I feel is best for me! That's right, me! This is after all, my blog. This is my life, and I will be damned if I let the fear that has controlled my life for far too long, control me any longer. If you don't like it, don't read it. And if it makes you feel better to laugh at me all because you're glad you're not as fat, ugly, and horrible as I am? Go right ahead. At the end of the day, it says far more about the person you are than it does about me.
One of these days, you'll discover that the wall you hide behind, the one you think protects you from being held accountable for the things you say and do, all in the name of "taking down" a blogger, is going to come crashing down, and you'll finally be exposed for who you really are . . .
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